5 Hot n Spicy Relationship Habits to Take into 2025 and 5 to Ghost... (Married Edition Part 1)

Hey Love,

I’m so ready to hop right into this because I am absolutely in my spicy mood today, as you can probably tell! As we step into 2025, it’s the perfect time to pause, reflect, and make some decisions about what we’re carrying into this new year in our relationships. For my married ladies, this is the year to prioritize connection, intimacy, and peace in your union while also bringing back that spice that may have been left on the shelf. For my single ladies, I got you in part 2, so just hang on for me and let me talk to the married ladies today.

No matter how long you’ve been married, there is always room to grow, glow, and turn up the heat in your love life. So let’s get into it…5 Hot n Spicy relationship habits to take into the new year and 5 relationship habits to ghost for good.

For Married Ladies: 5 Habits to Take into 2025

1. Open and Honest Communication About Sex and Intimacy

Let’s not tiptoe around this anymore. If sex and intimacy in your marriage isn’t where it needs to be for you, whether it’s what you would call bad sex, not cummin’ enough or a lack of emotional connection within intimacy with your boo, then it’s time to finally stop suffering in silence. Too often, we hold back because we’re afraid to hurt feelings (especially the male ego), rock the boat, or make things awkward. But sis, let me tell you something. Intimacy is a cornerstone of your marriage, and your pleasure is just as important as his.

This upcoming year is the year to have the conversation. I’m talking about the real conversation where you express what you need, what isn’t working, and what you truly desire. Be honest, be clear, and be open to exploring solutions together. Whether it’s trying something new, seeking professional help, or simply getting vulnerable with each other, prioritize your connection and your pleasure.

Tired of settling for unfulfilling sex? Not cummin regularly during actual sex? One of the easiest and most affordable ways to get help from me is by grabbing a copy of my eBook, 9 Positions to Get You to the Big O. Let’s get your intimate life back on track.

2. Intentional Time Together

Life gets busy and you know I know. Between work, children, bills, and just life life-ing, it’s easy to let your marriage take a backseat. But love needs consistent attention to thrive. This coming year, commit to carving out intentional time for one another and make it a priority.

This doesn’t have to mean extravagant trips or expensive dinners altho that can work too now. Ijs. But it could be as simple as a ‘Netflix and Chill’ night, a walk around the neighborhood to get steps in, or even 30 minutes of uninterrupted intimate conversation at the end of the day. The key is to show up for each other, undistracted and fully present.

Need help creating intentional connection in your marriage? Book a session with me to rediscover the spark and build deeper intimacy.

3. Building Emotional Intimacy

Physical intimacy is important, but emotional intimacy is the foundation that keeps your marriage strong. Trust me on this. Emotional intimacy is about feeling seen, heard, and understood by your mate, and it’s something that can get lost in the busyness of life.

This year, commit to creating space for emotional connection. That might look like deep, meaningful conversations after the kids are asleep, asking open-ended questions to understand your spouse better, or simply holding space for them to share without judgment. Emotional intimacy isn’t just about talking, it’s also about showing up with kindness, affection, and support in the little moments that matter.

One of the most powerful ways to build emotional intimacy is through vulnerability. Let your guard down and share what’s on your heart, even if it feels uncomfortable. When you’re willing to open up, it invites your spouse to do the same. Emotional intimacy deepens trust and brings you closer in ways that go way beyond words.

4. Reigniting Playfulness

Marriage can sometimes feel like a business partnership with all the responsibilities you juggle, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. This new year, bring back the fun. Remember the lighthearted moments that brought you two together and recreate them.

Send him a flirty text during the day. I’m talking about flirty dirty honey. Dance in the kitchen while cooking dinner…nude if no children around. 😜 Plan a surprise date or a goofy activity that will make you both laugh. Playfulness strengthens connection and keeps the spark alive.

5. Commitment to Personal Growth

The strongest marriages are built on two individuals who are committed to their own growth. Please, if you don’t listen much to nothing else I say, listen to this one as this is one of the main reasons I am separated right now. Had we both been focused on individual growth, we would have been growing more together than growing more apart. Yet, I was really the only one with noticeable growth and self improvement in the marriage. While I am starting to see some changes now that we’re separated, it’s too soon to determine whether this is permanent growth or just doing things to put the family back together and then get right back relaxed into the same ole same ole, which is why I’m not budging on my boundaries in remaining separated at this point.

So I’m telling you, make it a priority to invest in yourself, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. Whether it’s pursuing a new passion, deepening your faith, or prioritizing your mental health, your growth benefits your marriage too. When you thrive as an individual, you bring your best self to the relationship. Let 2025 be the year you become the version of you that you’ve always dreamed of being.

For Married Ladies: 5 Habits to Ghost in 2025

1. Settling for Bad Sex

Let’s get real, sis. If your sex life ain’t slappin like you want it, (literally), it’s time to stop acting like it’s okay. Settling for bad or unfulfilling sex doesn’t just hurt you, it damages the intimacy and connection in your marriage. Your pleasure matters, and this year, it’s time to prioritize it.

If the sex isn’t good, say something (as I shared earlier). Create a safe and loving space to have an honest conversation about what you need, what’s missing, and how you both can make it better. This isn’t about pointing fingers or assigning blame. It’s about working together to build a bedroom connection that leaves you both satisfied. Bad or unfulfilling sex is not a cross for you to bear.

Explore new things together. Open up about your desires and learn to meet each other’s needs. Your pleasure isn’t just for you, it’s also a gift to your husband, showing him that his effort and connection with you truly matters. Don’t let another year go by being unfulfilled thruout the year.

As I mentioned before, you can get my book 9 Positions to Get You to the Big O to help in climaxing during sex but when purchasing, you can grab my audio training entitled “Teach Him How to Sex You” to help in overcoming bad sex. You’ve been dealing with this for way too long. And if you need help in applying anything you read or listen to, schedule a one on one Dream SexLife Session for the new year here.

2. Silent Resentment

We’ve all been there…biting our tongues, keeping quiet, and stuffing our feelings down because we don’t want to rock the boat or “sow discord” as it’s said in the church. But sis, let me tell you something. Silent resentment is a silent killer. It builds walls between you and your husband, blocking intimacy and creating an emotional distance that’s hard to close.

This coming year, let’s stop holding it all in. If something is bothering you, speak up. Have the hard conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable. It’s better to address the issue with love and honesty than to let it fester and grow into something bigger than it ever needed to be.

Remember, your marriage is a partnership, not a one-person show. Your feelings matter, and your voice deserves to be heard. When you let go of silent resentment, you open the door to real communication and connection.

3. Neglecting Yourself

You wear a lot of hats; wife, mother, daughter, partner, employee, friend and even more, but somewhere in all those roles, it’s easy to lose yourself. If you’ve been putting yourself last, running on empty, and ignoring your own needs, it’s time to make that change.

When you neglect yourself, it doesn’t just hurt you, it impacts your marriage. A burned-out, resentful wife can’t show up as the best version of herself. You deserve time for you, whether that’s pursuing a passion, setting aside moments for self-care, or even just taking a breath in the chaos of life. Believe it or not, our husbands love us even more when we’re refreshed. Even tho it’s been a minute for me (trust me, that’s all ending now 😉), self-care has been a major part of my life these last eight years. Every time I came back from the spa with them pretty nails and toes done, he loved it. And we not even gon’ get on when them locs get retwisted and styled, boo.

The massages and those chiropractor adjustments? All of it made me a more relaxed, easygoing woman who was even more loving toward my spouse, especially when he paid for it. Don’t let my current marital status of separation fool you. There’s been plenty of good in my marriage when it was really good, and self-care played a big role in that. When you take the time to refresh yourself, your man will notice and enjoy you even more, and trust me, you’ll feel it too.

This year, prioritize your health, your happiness, and your fulfillment. Remember, you’re not just a wife or a mom. You’re YOU, and you deserve to feel whole, happy, and thriving.

4. Unnecessary Comparisons

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your marriage to what you see on social media or hear about from friends. But sis, let me remind you, social media is often a highlight reel. Nobody’s marriage is perfect, no matter how shiny it looks online. If anyone has taught you that, it has been me. #RelationshipGoals no #YourGoals

This year, let’s stop measuring your relationship against someone else’s. Every marriage is different, and what works for you may not look like what works for others, and girl, that is just fine. The only thing that matters is whether you and your husband are aligned, happy, and growing together. *Special emphasis on the growing together.*

Focus inward. Instead of comparing your marriage to someone else’s, spend that energy nurturing what you have. Celebrate your wins, work through your challenges, and be proud of the relationship you’re building together.

5. Avoiding Hard Conversations

Ignoring the issues in your marriage doesn’t make them disappear. Whether it’s about intimacy, finances, parenting, sex or anything else, avoiding tough conversations only creates distance and unresolved tension.

This year, commit to tackling those hard topics with love, honesty, and patience. It’s not about winning an argument or assigning blame, it’s about understanding each other and finding solutions that work for both of you.

Approach these conversations with an open and sincere heart and a willingness to listen. Yes, they might be uncomfortable at first, but the growth and connection that come from addressing issues head-on are worth every moment of discomfort.

Feeling stuck and unsure how to begin? Let’s navigate these conversations together in a session. Book a one on one Help Me in My ‘Ships n SexLife session now, and let’s create a stronger marriage with more openness as well.

Conclusion

2025 is the year to let go of the habits that have been holding you back and step into the love and intimacy you deserve. Your marriage doesn’t have to stay stuck in old patterns. By ghosting what no longer serves you and embracing new habits with intention, you can create a relationship filled with passion, connection, and growth. How ‘bout more of the Love, Leisure and Pleasure this New Year please. Yes? Ok then!

Let’s work together. Book a Help Me in My ‘Ships n SexLife session today, and let’s make 2025 your year of thriving love and connection in your marriage.

Always Much Love,

~ Octavia E Vance (OEV) 💋 

PS My deepest apologies in Wednesdays newsletter as I was so focused on answering the question and getting it to you that I forgot to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and share a recent pic and me and my growing babies as I did on Social Media.

So Happy Belated and Happy coming New Year again. Love you boo.