Breaking Free from Depending on a Man

Hey Lady

I recently had a deep conversation with my stylist on where I am in my life right now. We literally talked for hours as I hadn’t talked to her in almost a year where we would converse throughout each year on next moves for my brand, etc. By the end of our reconnect, she gave me an assignment to do in order to prepare for our next project together. And that was to figure out the theme of my life right now in this season I’m currently in. With so much loss in just three years—losing my mom, my dad, my homes, one of my trucks, and separating from the man I built a life with for 20 years—it would’ve been easy to name that season of my life with words like "loss," "grief," or "heartbreak." But instead, the first word that came to mind was freedom.

Yes, freedom. Even after experiencing so much loss, I’ve come to realize that true freedom isn’t about external circumstances; it’s about choosing it, daily, no matter what’s happening around you. It's about waking up each day and deciding that you will not be bound by your past, by your pain, or even by your current challenges.

In my recent stories on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, (which I’ve since posted on my YouTube channel that you can watch here), I shared glimpses of this freedom: 

- Freedom to enjoy beautiful rooftop views and skylines.

- Freedom to laugh, compete, and have fun in ways I never imagined—like trying my best friend’s pole dancing pole for the first time, even if I didn’t make it far up! 🤣 (see that in the video here)

- Freedom to hang with friends and not let the numbers in my bank account dictate my joy.

- Freedom to savor meals and moments with my children, letting go of stress.

That video represents how I’m choosing freedom over loss every day. Freedom over anger every day. Freedom over frustration every day. Freedom over worry every day no matter what’s going on in my life. I’m not saying it’s always the easiest thing to do each day especially when shit seems to keep coming up but I know the more I choose it, the more it will go from mechanical to natural as it’s my chosen reality now. And what does freedom even mean right? And wasn’t I doing a lot of these things in the video before now? Yes but there were always strings attached when I did. Meaning, each time I would do the things I truly enjoyed, it was like I was being punished for doing them as I would always wake up to or come back home to fires that I had to put out. I could never truly enjoy my life that way. But now that I realize what freedom truly is, I can say I have it more now than ever.

The definition of freedom is the power or right to act, speak, or think without hindrance or restraint. It also signifies the state of being free from oppression, confinement, or external control. Freedom can encompass personal, social, political, and spiritual dimensions, depending on the context, such as the freedom to make choices, live independently, or express oneself.

So Freedom for me, means having the power to create a life of love, leisure, and pleasure without anyone else’s permission—even in the midst of separation, grief, or loss. This is what AWOLing your life means. You can go "Absent Without Leave" from the restrictions and limitations imposed by others or by your circumstances and choose a new way of living that’s full of grace, joy, and freedom by Being A Woman Of Leisure instead.

It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, separated, or somewhere in between—freedom is available to you. I’m learning, in this season, that becoming a woman of leisure is saving my life. I’m less stressed, more blessed, more relaxed, and less perplexed because I’m living in a space where I choose freedom every single day. Let me elaborate even further.

Recently, I was feeling on top of the world, basking in the freedom that comes with not having to wake up and put out the fires I once did. After a great conversation with my stylist as I shared above, I woke up the next day in a fantastic mood—full of gratitude for the life I’m building now in spite of everything. But then, I was hit with a familiar frustration: less than 30% of the money my estranged husband was supposed to send came through, and it just so happened to be on my youngest son's birthday.

We’ve been cordial—at my request—first for the sake of our mental health and then for the sake of our children. Even after another one of those "money" talks where he explained he didn’t make much that week, I decided to just let it go. I told him, “Look, I’m done arguing. Just send the best you can and I’ll figure out the rest. I’m tired of arguing with you about money.” He agreed, and we’ve managed to stay cordial since, which has been a little over a week now.

But when I saw the embarrassingly low amount he sent, yes, I was angry. My heart raced, then I wrote him an email, nice like but wondering wtf. Course I never sent it as after writing it, I paused and just began to breathe. I had to remind myself of the decision I made: I’m done with arguing. I choose freedom, remember? As disappointed as I was, this situation wasn’t new. His pattern had always been consistent in financial inconsistency so there really was no need for me to be surprised at what I saw even tho I was frustrated. But it was in that moment of frustration, I heard a voice say, “You’re free from this.”

I calmed down, realizing the truth that I didn’t have to put out his fires anymore. I didn’t have to argue or depend on him anymore. Instead, I’m building the life I desire where I depend on myself. Where I bet on myself and win…every time. This doesn’t mean that I DO everything myself. Oh no. It simply means that all things of dependency go thru me first instead of anyone else first, ever again. I then relax and smile, remembering that I’m free to create the life I deserve, one where I don’t rely on anyone else to keep their word but myself. Last week, I talked about the importance of a support system that shows up when you need them (if you missed it, you can read it here). So when it comes to my support system, keeping your word is vital to me but before I can expect that from anyone else, it must start with me keeping my word to myself. Then and only then can I keep my word to others (stick a 📍 here) and they also keep their word to me.

I realized that my estranged husband’s pattern tells me the truth more than his words ever could. So instead of expecting change from him, I trusted the pattern and pivoted. This doesn't mean I won’t hold him accountable when necessary, it just means I choose to free myself from the pressure of hoping and expecting a man to change in this particular area even for “the sake of the kids” and focus instead on creating the life I want without waiting for anyone else to fulfill their promises to me. That’s the beauty of freedom—‘you get to choose’ what benefits you and “un-choose” what doesn’t. And you also get to choose YOU! With that being said, I want to share 3 ways that’s helped me to choose freedom and break free from depending on a man or anyone else for that matter. In doing these 3 things, I’ve been able to celebrate in freedom in spite of what happens or what anyone else does or does not do.

3 Ways A Woman of Faith Can Choose Freedom to AWOL Her Life, Creating a Life of Love, Leisure, and Pleasure without Compromising Her Faith

1 Release the Burden of Unmet Expectations

Freedom begins when a woman chooses to release the emotional weight of unmet expectations, especially from a man or society. In my group Be AWOL, we guide you to free yourself from the constant need to rely on others for your happiness, whether it’s waiting for a partner to meet your emotional, financial, or spiritual needs. Instead, you’ll learn how to trust yourself, build a support system rooted in mutual respect, and embrace a life where your fulfillment comes from within…without compromising your values. You’ll gain the tools to shift your mindset from disappointment to empowerment.

2 Reclaim Your Time for What Truly Brings You Joy

Many women of faith feel trapped by endless obligations, often sacrificing their own joy to meet the expectations of others. In Be AWOL, you’ll explore how to reclaim your time and energy to create space for the things that truly light up your spirit…whether that’s cultivating hobbies, embracing leisure without guilt, or redefining pleasure as an integral part of your faith journey. You’ll learn how prioritizing your own needs and desires not only deepens your connection to The Most High but also allows you to show up as a stronger, more present woman in all areas of your life.

3 Rebuild a Love Life that Honors Your Desires Along with Your Faith

Choosing freedom also means reclaiming your love life on your own terms. Be AWOL gives you permission to redefine love, sex, and intimacy in a way that feels authentic and aligned with your faith. You’ll learn how to navigate relationships without settling, building connections that honor your worth and desires. Whether single, married, divorced or separated, you’ll discover how to lead with grace and confidence in both love and pleasure, breaking free from outdated beliefs and embracing a new narrative where love, leisure, pleasure and faith beautifully coexist without guilt, unrighteousness judgement and condemnation.

By choosing freedom in these three ways, you can step into a life where you thrive emotionally, spiritually, and physically—creating a life of love, leisure, and pleasure without compromising your faith. Let Be AWOL guide you on this transformative journey!

So…Are You Ready to Break Free from depending on a man?

Then I want to officially invite you to join my new group, ‘Be AWOL’, where we as women of faith explore what it means to truly break free, find leisure, and reclaim and/redesign our love life and pleasure. No matter your relationship status, you deserve to live a life that reflects the peace and joy The Most High has intended specifically for you—without compromising your faith.

Every month in our group, we’ll dive deep into what it means to go AWOL (Absent With Out Leave) of your life, and Be AWOL (A Woman Of Leisure) so that you can live in freedom no matter your circumstances, and to live in the full abundance of love, leisure, and pleasure. 

No matter where you are in your journey, freedom is yours to claim. Less stressed, more blessed, less perplexed and more relaxed. Let’s journey together and create lives of abundance and joy as women of faith.

Join me, and together we’ll build a life of freedom designed just for you.

Choose freedom today by signing up here. Don’t forget, I’ll be live tomorrow (instead of today) to talk more on this LOEV Letter.

Always Much Love,

~ OEV 💋 

PS I didn’t forget about the 📍above, I jus decided to share on it when I go live tomorrow.