I Walked Away from a 20-Year Marriage with Almost Nothing, Rebuilt My Life and Bought My First Home in only 7 Months...without Him! (Part 1)

Hey Love!

Some moments in life change you forever.

For me, that moment was July 4, 2024. My children and I were kicked out of the Comfort Inn…the irony.

Everything fell apart.

But truthfully? It had already been falling apart for months. We had lost our home in April and our home that was a family home in Louisiana a few months before that. So we couldn’t even go back home after this.

At first, it didn’t feel like a full loss because we had options. We moved into Airbnbs and hotels, and in the beginning, it was almost like a vacation for the children. They were still comfortable, still in nice spaces.

But then he got fired for stealing on the job. And suddenly, it wasn’t Airbnbs anymore.
It wasn’t the hotels we used to stay in when we traveled.

It was Motel 6s and extended stays.

And right after, that’s when the reality hit me like a train:

I was embarrassed.
I was humiliated.
I was in pain.
I was scrambling to figure out what to do next.

But I knew one thing for sure: I was NEVER going to let my children be on the streets.

The SOS Text That Changed Everything

I didn’t have time to process what was happening.
I just knew I needed help and help fast. I sent out an SOS text to my support system.
Money started coming in from different people.

But one friend said something different when she facetimed:

"I don’t have money to send you right now, but I have a place. If you can get here, you and your babies and your cats can stay with me."

That’s how I ended up in Florida. With a check engine light on, my five children, our two cats and I loaded up as much as we could and hit the road. I didn’t tell him where we were going. I just left. I was running on pure adrenaline, survival, and faith.

My friend had a brand-new townhome in a beautiful community in Florida, and for the first time in a while, I felt like I could breathe. I started looking at homes in Miami, thinking maybe I could start fresh. But then, I got the legal news that changed everything:

Because we had minor children together, I couldn’t stay in Florida.
Legally, I had to return to Texas. So after just 2 months when it was supposed to be three, we had to pack everyone and everything up and go back home…even tho…there was no home.

And that’s when the real fight for stability began.

Coming Back to Nothing And Making Something Out of It

When I returned to Texas, I had no idea where we would stay.
Our homes? Gone. We had been living in hotels and Airbnbs before I left him.
So I was humiliated, angry, and still grieving especially when I found out I had to come back to Texas.

But I knew I had to figure something out.

That’s when an opportunity opened up. A man I knew had a downtown Dallas apartment listed on Airbnb.

He said, “You and your kids can stay there for $500 for the week”

At first, it was just for one week. But I didn’t need much, just a foot in the door.

I told my best friend before I left Florida, "If I can work something out with this guy, we’ll come and stay in Texas. If not, we’ll return to Florida."

I paid for the first week and we were good as I had some money saved up after leaving Florida. So after that first week, the man leasing the apartment asked me, “What are you looking to do?” Before I could even answer he said, “Because I have an idea.”

He offered me a deal to stay longer so I could get on my feet. I didn’t even have to ask. I took the deal of $450 per week and paid him for that week. But right away, the payments started stacking up. The nest day after I paid him, he asked for more; extra money to help him cover things he hadn’t paid at the apartment.

I was like, “Wait…wtf is this”? But what could I really do? I didn’t want to pay all this extra. I wanted to just find another place but I didn’t feel confident enough that I could, being that I knew my money and credit wasn’t what they needed to be in order to try and get something for us in my name. And when I tell you I didn’t want to give him all that extra money? Trust me…

But when you’re in survival mode, you make sacrifices to keep your children housed.

So I gave him what I had: $1,400 on top of the $450 I had just given him the day before and this was all for one week as I still had to come up with the $450 the next week. It wasn’t fair but I was actually grateful we had a place even tho he did overcharge me and it was just a 1 bedroom 1 bath 652 sqft apartment in downtown Dallas.

That money was supposed to cover food, essentials, and gas that I had worked so hard to save it up while we were in Florida.

But I handed it over. And just like that, I was back to square one financially.

When Survival Mode Drowns Out the Signs

Looking back, I can see all the signs.

• The financial instability of staying somewhere under someone else’s name.

• The red flags in having to pay extra to “help” him.

• The stress of depending on someone else’s space.

But when you’re in survival mode, you tolerate things you wouldn’t normally accept.

Because the only thing that matters is keeping your children safe. This was new territory for me. Before this, I had never been in a situation where I didn’t know where we would live next. Before this, my children had always had a stable home.

Even when we left Louisiana, we still had that house, until we lost it a few months before we lost our Texas home.

That was a loss I still haven’t fully processed because that home was family.

My grandmother arranged for us to have that home while I was pregnant with our first born back in 2006. It was meant to be a foundation for my children.
It was a legacy property, one that had been in my family for decades.

But I have decided I will get it back. I don’t care how long it takes. I don’t care what it costs. That house will be back in my family’s name, marked with our legacy, not our loss.

Why I’m Telling You This

Because so many women are in survival mode right now.
Because so many women have been where I was…scrambling to keep things together.
Because so many women believe they need a man to figure it out.

But let me be clear:

I secured housing without him.
I stabilized our lives without him.
I built the next chapter of our story, without him.

And if you’re in a place where you feel like you don’t know what’s next, I want you to hear me:

You will figure this out.
You will get thru this.
You will rebuild.

Even when it feels impossible. Even when you don’t know how. Even when you have to start from absolute zero. Because you are stronger than your circumstances. 💪 And when you come out on the other side?

The world will know that YOU made it happen.

This Was Just Apart of the Plan

We stayed in that one-bedroom, one-bath downtown Dallas apartment for about four months. I had told the guy who was leasing it, “I’ll be out by the first of the year.”

And if there was one thing I had started noticing about myself, it was this: Whenever I gave myself a deadline, I usually got out even earlier than I said. That was fine with me because as much as I appreciated the roof over our heads, the situation wasn’t stable.

And what did I tell you? When you don’t own it or it’s not in your name, you have no say in how things go. And sure enough, that truth hit me again.

When Help Comes With Strings Attached

At first, the deal seemed simple; pay weekly, stay while I got on my feet.

But when the child support that my children's father was supposed to send started coming in late (or not at all), I found myself having to explain.

I hadn’t made money yet. I was writing to you all, sharing my love letters, pouring out my heart while my estranged husband was making so little that when he did send money, it was barely enough to cover anything.

And there I was, explaining to a man why I didn’t have the money.

And don’t you know? When a man likes you and you can’t pay, what does he want? 👀 

Exactly.

It started with small comments.

"You know, I've always liked you."

"We have a connection. Why don’t we take this to another level?"

"Let’s keep the main thing, the main thing. You’ll still have to pay me, but until then… let’s have our moments."

Oh, hell no. I had seen this story before.

Suddenly, I realized: This situation was just another version of the codependent relationship I had in my marriage. Me overdoing, them undercutting…all because I was trying to maintain some sense of security.

I was done. I had to get out.

Eviction? On MY Record?

I started applying for places left and right. I was praying, believing, having faith.

And then? I got hit with a NO because of an eviction on my record.

Wait… what? I knew an eviction was going to be on his record. But mine?

That made no sense because I was never the one who handled leasing. He was the one who always had to prove income. I went back and forth with the property management company.

"This is not fair at all. I was never supposed to be on that lease as one of the responsible parties”.

Finally, the leasing agent looked into it again.

And guess what she said? "You’re right. You should have been listed as an occupant, not as the primary leaseholder." Even the attorney over the evictions agreed. But did that change anything? No. Because corporate didn’t care about the details. The only thing they saw was the eviction on paper.

I was stuck… or was I?

The Fight to Find a Home

I had two choices:
1️⃣ Pay the eviction off in full (not in payments, the full amount).
2️⃣ Find a way around it.

Paying it would have cleared BOTH of us. But I refused to keep cleaning up after him.

That’s when my search turned into a full-time job.

I needed a place.
I needed a loophole.
I needed someone willing to work with me.

I applied everywhere. I lost deposits at places that denied me. (📍 I’m making a note to go back and ask for some of that deposit money back tho 😆 .)

Every day, I was searching. Every day, I was researching. It was exhausting. And then?

The man who owned the apartment decided he wanted his place back.

"I’m putting it back on as an Airbnb. I told you I was making way more money doing it that way than what you’re paying me." Something he kept telling me when he wanted me to verbally give him praise for him helping me out. Yeah I caught wind of that early on.

I said, “Okay, what can we do? Can we work out another arrangement?”

And he hit me with this:

"Honestly, I was thinking why would I keep letting you stay for less than what I made on Airbnb? If it comes down to it, I’m choosing my family’s well being over yours every time."

Understood. I wasn’t going for his advances, so he made that call. And that was my point. When it isn’t yours or in your name, they can do what they want…anytime they want. Plus, he was right…to a degree anyway. Why put anyone’s wellbeing over your own?

I got up that day, went on my usual daily walk where I get 10,000 plus steps in while praying, venting or getting coached on next moves. Then I started making calls.
I was walking, talking, moving, figuring it out. Then I went back to the apartment, laid down, and fell asleep. Three hours later, I woke up to a text message from him.

"I have another home for you."

Wait…what? Was this a joke? I sat up, reading.

He explained:
“It’s the first home I bought after moving to Texas, but since I bought my new home 2 years ago, I’ve been leasing it to others. My niece just moved out and now it’s available for around the same price if you want it”. It was almost triple the size of the apartment we were in but I wasn’t about to jump at the offer just yet. I had been up and down with this man for months.

So I took a minute, went into prayer and called on my coaches about it.

Was this a game after you just said all you said to me?
Was this really an open door from the same man who had closed it a few hours earlier?

And then I found out…

It wasn’t a joke.

Piecing It Altogether

When the man who had been subleasing me the downtown Dallas apartment told me he was putting it back as an Airbnb, I had no choice. I needed a place for me and my children. And just when I thought I was out of options, he came back a few hours later with an offer.

“I have another home for you.”

He explained:

• It was the first home he ever bought in Texas—one he had moved out of and had been leasing to others.

• His niece had just moved out, so now it was available.

• It was three bedrooms, two baths—almost triple the size of the apartment.

• It was in a beautiful community with a luxury-style pool, a rec center, a park for the children, a gazebo, and open land.

• And the cost? About the same as what I was paying for a tiny one-bedroom in downtown Dallas.

"I just have to get it cleaned up and fix a few repairs," he said. "If you want it, when can you have the money by?"

I didn’t have a dime. Not one. Yet I immediately responded, “Thursday. I’ll have it Thursday”. I was shocked at myself like, Girl how? I had no idea how…but I knew one thing; I was going to have $1,700 to give him by Thursday. I immediately started visualizing placing the money in his hands, still not knowing how I was going to do this.

And then I thought, “No. I don’t want to just come up with just $1,700. I want more than that” because I wanted to move comfortably and have money left over for things we may need as unlike the apartment, this place was not furnished.

And I did. I ended up manifesting over $3,000 in five days and paid him on that Thursday as I said I would. But he didn’t give me the keys which meant I still hadn’t seen the place. I’m just going off his word in all of this.

"I’m still doing some work on the place," he said. So we didn’t move in for another week.

Why Won’t He Tell Me? So I Did My Own Diggin’

So anytime we were discussing the move, I would ask for the address to the place so I could go see it. But he would always ignore that question and answer everything else but that. It got me very curious as to why he would do this. So…I looked up his name and found the property myself.

And when I saw it? It wasn’t a home I would have ever chosen on my own. Not my style. Not something I would think about buying. A manufactured home.

But the community itself? It was beautiful to me. Peaceful.
It looked luxurious…clean, organized, well-kept.

"Okay," I thought with deep breaths, "let’s do this."

My Son Held Me Accountable to My Word

For months, my youngest son had been reminding me of something I had told him.

"Mommy, you said we would be moved into our new home by Christmas. Are we? Are you sure we’re gonna be in our new home by Christmas?"

Every. Single. Day. And every single day, I answered him the same way.

"Yes, baby. We’re going to be out of these apartments and into our new home by Christmas and we’ll get a Christmas tree."

Did I know how I was going to do any of that? No.

I was just betting on myself. And guess what? we moved in 5 days before Christmas…just as I had said.

Moving In… But Something Felt Off…

I met him at the house to finally get the keys. No power was on, so I didn’t see everything off. I was just relieved to have a home for me and my children. But then once the power was turned on and we started bringing in our things from storage, I started noticing things. A lot of things. There was more work to be done than I was told. I was actually somewhat horrified at first because I’m not moving in with my estranged husband who would have repaired whatever the guy didn’t. It’s me and all my femininity and I could not do these kinda repairs. 😟 

But then I thought, “Okay, okay, okay. It’s still better than where we were. We’ll make it work”. I was tired of moving my children around. They had been thru enough.

Hell, I had been thru enough. So I decided, “I’m going to treat this place like it’s my own”.

I made plans.
I was going to fix it up.
I was going to update things.

I started reaching out to people to help me renovate.

Then, Three Days Later…

I sat in my room and thought, “I can’t do this”. I hadn’t even unpacked anthing yet, and I was already over it. I had just moved us in. We had just started taking things out of storage. And now I was sitting there thinking, “This isn’t it”.

"This is crazy," I told my coaches and counselors. "We just moved in and I’m ready to go? What am I doing?"

And one of my coaches told me something that changed everything:

"When you’re growing fast, it’s not uncommon to make a move and immediately outgrow that same move you just made. You needed to make this move to get to the next level. But that doesn’t mean this is your final stop."

“Huh”? But…I sat with that. I let it sink in. I let it hit. And then I realized:

It wasn’t just the house that was out of alignment for me. It was the dynamic.

It didn’t matter where we moved…if this man was involved, there were going to be issues, it was never going to be mine and he was always going to remind me of that in some way, shape or form that my name wasn’t on it and it was his. So his rules, his ways, including him just poppin’ up whenever he felt like it. Lord I hated that.

And I didn’t have any control over anything. I was just there.

And tho I was indeed grateful, I was done…

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Always Much Love,

Octavia E. Vance (O.E.V.) 💋
Your Favorite Sexologist and Navigator of Love, Leisure & Pleasure