Keeping It Together: When Love Outlasts the Vote

Hey Beautiful!

This week, I want to take a slight detour but stay rooted in the theme of love—specifically, love in the connections we choose to keep, even when differences might tempt us to disconnect.

As the dust settles after the recent election, I find myself thinking about you; whether you are celebrating and whether you are mourning. I want to start by congratulating you if you saw your hopes fulfilled but also embrace you if you feel disappointed. Your feelings are real and valid, regardless of which side you stand on. We’re all processing the results in our own ways, and I hold space for you as you work through whatever this moment means for you.

But in the midst of this season, I’ve been saddened to see familiar patterns surfacing again…people cutting ties, closing doors, or even walking away from family and friends because of who they voted for. This isn’t the first time. I remember seeing it in 2012, 2016 and again in 2020, and it’s happening once more. And every time I ask myself: “Are we truly free if we can’t/don’t allow others the freedom to think differently”? True freedom, to me, means embracing who we are while loving others for who they are, even when that includes choices we might not make ourselves.

I have my preferences, and I surround myself with people who are like-minded because that’s where I feel most inspired. But I’m not one for “group think.” I value authenticity and the courage to think independently. I’m raising my children to think critically and choose for themselves. And if that leads them to a candidate I wouldn’t choose, well, that’s their right. Does it mean I’d cut them off? Certainly not. If our partners, our best friends, our siblings, or our mentors make choices we don’t agree with, does it mean they’re any less important in our lives?

Tolerance is only meaningful if we can hold it when it’s hard. I have never found a candidate I agree with 100% and I don’t expect to. So I vote on the policies that resonate most with me. Sometimes, neither of the dominant parties align fully with my values and I’ve gone my own way…like in 2012 when I chose a different path entirely. I stand by my choices, but my relationships mean more to me than any ballot. The people in my life are there because I chose them, knowing they are beautifully complex and real. And that’s the beauty of true connection…accepting each other’s differences and still choosing to walk side by side.

This past week, I’ve had deep, moving conversations with friends who were overjoyed and deep, moving conversations with friends who were deeply grieved. And as their friend, I sat with both. I celebrated with those who celebrated and grieved with those who grieved. Some might wonder, how could I do both? My loyalty is not to any candidate I don’t personally know. My loyalty is to my values: to live in peace, to love, to empathize, and to carry compassion. These are the things that matter most. The election might affect policies, but it doesn’t change my dedication to those I care for. The people in my life know they still have a friend in me, no matter who they voted for; or even if they didn’t vote at all.

Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn”.

I’m blessed with a circle of friends and family who welcome these conversations without letting politics tear us apart. We share our thoughts, we listen to each other’s hearts, and then we move forward together, planning our next gathering or celebration. These relationships are precious to me. They’re built on love, trust, and the joy of letting each person be who they truly are. Yes, we are like-minded in many ways, but that doesn’t mean we all think the same. I treasure these real connections, not because we agree on everything, but because we honor each other’s journeys.

If I was into “group think”, I would never call out the church in the things I believe they miss the mark on. I love the church. I am the church. But I have a mind also, and when I see things I don’t agree with that I believe do not line up with the Bible we all teach from, ima say something.

Guess what? Is that not the same thing I’ve done in my own family? And now my own marriage? Even myself? I’ve been given a voice, so I will use it as that’s why I’m even writing these LOEV Letters to you to begin with. But I’ve also been given a mind and a heart. A mind to think with and a heart to love with, and I’m rarely ever afraid to use either of them, especially towards those I love. I think deeply and I love deeply. I am committed to truth and love and I won’t sacrifice one for the other.

This brings me to a story I want to share. About 5 years ago during the Democratic primaries, I watched a woman who stood out with her courage and intelligence. Her name is Tulsi Gabbard, and she didn’t hold back when it came to calling out her own party. She was willing to say basically, “This ain’t it,” and push for what she believed would bring the party back to what she believed were the party’s roots. I remember sitting up, captivated, thinking, “Who is this woman?” She had the courage to say what others wouldn’t and challenged her own party publicly, and whether I agreed on what she said or not, I admired her for it.

Of course, the party didn’t choose her, and it didn’t surprise me when she eventually separated from the Democratic Party after over 20 years of commitment to them. I wasn’t shocked. I understood. When you feel unheard, sometimes the only choice left is to step away.

And let me say this…I’m not sure if Tulsi Gabbard will ever return to the Democratic Party, and for the record, that’s not my point. But one thing she alluded to was that her party needed to be torn down and rebuilt to truly serve the people and that resonates deeply with me today as I feel the same about my marriage. Like Tulsi, I too have left my “marriage party” after two decades because I felt unheard as it pertains to crucial financial matters. I believe that if my marriage is ever to be rebuilt, it must be torn down and reconstructed on a stronger financial foundation. I will not return to what I left behind. My peace, my voice, my stability and my freedom matter too much. But even in all of that, I am cordial with my estranged husband no matter our differences on this. See my point? I can have my say, my boundaries and even separate without disconnecting for life.

So, as we move forward from this election, I hope you’ll remember this: our connections to one another are far more valuable than any political outcome. I choose to build relationships that last through seasons of joy and sorrow, differences and agreements. And I encourage you to cherish the people who stand with you, even if they see the world a little differently. May we all find freedom in being true to ourselves while allowing others to do the same.

Thank you for being here with me on this ride. Together, we’re creating a community that values authenticity, compassion, and love above all else.

Always Much Love,

~ Octavia (OEV) 💋 

P.S. If you’re looking for a listening ear or some guidance on relational or sexual challenges in your life, set you appointment here as I’d be honored to support you in your journey. My goal is to help women of faith AWOL their lives…finding love, leisure and pleasure in every part of their relationships. And if these words (or any of my writings) have blessed you, feel free to offer a donation of any amount. Your support means the world to me. See you next week. ❤️