Why I Stopped Posting on Social Media...

Recently, I’ve finally come to the answer of a question I and many others have been asking for the last 2-3 years. Maybe I already knew the answer but finally saying it out loud makes it crystal clear.

You already know some shared parts of my life that have unfolded over the last 3 years. I was on a nice roll the 3 years that led up to 2021 but then, 2021 started a journey I was never prepared for. 2022 was seemingly worse. 2023 was eye opening and 2024 jus bussed the windows out my soul.

I’ve learned and changed so much in these last 3 years and I’m proud of myself for embracing some of the new and letting go of some of the not so new. But what does any of this vagueness have to do with me almost abandoning all my platforms, especially my largest platform of over 100,000 followers?

Well…let’s talk about it. 🎤 👂🏾 

When I started my online life, I’d always talked about marriage, relationships and family. Those were my 3 points in this online life because I had and was still experiencing those things all in the faith.

I was able to accumulate great support from simply doing what I’m doing right now…writing about my life, love and joy of relationships and yes that also came with a nice side of Sex. I capitalize the S in Sex for many reasons but mainly because of its importance not only in my life but also the importance in the life of so many others who choose to downplay it. You see, I was the one who came (and was sent) to unveil the “unnecessary hidden” in relationships and sex for those of the faith, hence the name of my ‘Ships n Sex podcast.

And tho it didn’t come without pushback, the more I wrote and shared, the more I was prepared to deal with the pushback. But the rewards were always the transformation of the lives of the people who took in what I openly and willingly shared. When pushback would get to me, it was the emails, testimonials, DM’s from those who would almost never be caught sharing their transformation publicly, that over confirmed what I always knew…that I was built for this. I was called to this and I was called to this at such a time as this.

Marriages were copiously being saved, Sex Lives were forever being changed from bland to perfectly seasoned and if that wasn’t enough, Relationships were either ending for new promising beginnings or ending out of the need to be single and free while rediscovering the value of self without a mate. The rise of the new spiciness of women of faith was everything and everywhere when I would show up on the scene whether they were married or not. It’s been beautiful and I know TMH is all in as it was put on me to do.

They call it the emergence of online coaching, mentoring, counseling and that’s me. But what you may not know is I was already doing all of these things before social media. 

I’ve been writing since I was a child. And even tho I had basketball scholarships to college, I was one of the few student athletes to also be granted a journalism scholarship on top of that. Shoot I even remember some tryna protest that but it never went through because the one thing they could never protest were the skills of my playing and writing. So those scholarships were well deserved

I’ve also coached and mentored young girls in basketball and life since a teen and was entrusted to do ministerial counseling as a single, young adult and even had a radio show with my husband on marriage and sex while we were newlyweds. 

All I did was take my gifts, skills and passion to Beyoncé’s innanet where doing these things online became a thing. So I’m really not new to this. I really am true to this. But even in being true to this, nothing, and I do mean nothing, ever prepared me for the next part of my life that transpired. My Parents demise is still something I have yet to truly get over or fully adjust from.

The expectation of myself and everyone else to continue doing all these things I did with ease after such devastating events is where my chickens came home to roost. The more and more I attempted to “do business as usual” to not only keep busy but to give people what they needed, the more and more I just didn’t. I mean, I would go on rolls where I was making good videos, going live, sending emails out to you, writing posts, responding to DM’s and then there were no rolls. Just simply disappearing acts of fading to black within my own bubble of life where no one from social media could enter. And to be honest, hardly anyone in my personal life could enter at times either.

Why tho? Hell, even I don’t know (yet) the full answer to that. I just know life hasn’t been the same since 2021 and I don’t know if it’ll ever be or should it be. I just know who I Am today. And tho I Am the same in many ways, in many ways I Am not.

I still have a heavy passion for all those things I did so effortlessly before, but today, it just takes much more effort to do them consistently. I still have so many things I want to write about, speak about and share. It’s just at the same time, I’m still tryna navigate this new life of mine. Yes it still feels new as my Mom’s phone number is still favored in my phone and I still take pics of my children trying on new clothes ready to text her but the text now just stays in drafts as I eventually realize…that’s not her number anymore. A number she had over 3 decades? So I’m supposed to be over all of that in 3 years?

Yeah, alright.

But I do think the biggest reason I’ve been on the disappearing acts road trip is because I’m just no longer expecting or allowing the expectations of others to force me to do what’s not in me to do. It’s not about timing for if it was, I would be “back to doing the things I used to”. No, it’s about being more aware of who I am right now. Not who I was. Not who I will be. Not who I’m becoming but simply who I Am…now

I’ve learned and am still learning that a part of being more aware of who I Am today is to stop making promises to you and others based upon who I was and was going to be, but to instead give you only what I have for you now based upon who I Am now.

I’m sharing where I Am with you now and in sharing where I Am now, please know that as I’ve shared, I still have love and passion for all I did before now which is how I met you. But also in who I Am now, I no longer wish to “only” speak on those things consistently. I mean can you imagine just burying a loved one and then making a video for social media and posting it a few days later talking about sex? Right. That’s what I was faced with…still trying to help women in their ‘Ships n Sex while grieving not one but eventually two parents amongst all the other things 2021 “hellaciously” brought in with it. I’ll share more on that one day soon…I think.

But in all of this, I realized that may mean we part ways and I’m ok with that as I know you will be as well. Everyone evolves and with evolution, there can be out growth of one another or continued growth with one another. It’s all about personal preference and personal growth on where one is in their own life. I also realized that that could mean we stick together like white on rice and I’m definitely ok with that too.

And again, I still love what I love and will continue to speak on what I love but now it will all be under my life as A Wife Woman Of Leisure, which is why I’ve created a new podcast instead of continuing with the old one of ‘Ships n Sex. Will I still talk about and expound on relationships and sex? Of course. It’s just from a different place of who I am now instead of who I was. My basis now is that I’ve gone AWOL on the life I once had and the person I once was. I’ve gone Absent With Out Leave. Meaning I went AWOL on all the things I was expected to do, including my own old expectations of self, and I did so without the permission of anyone.

With that being said, I am excited about the present and what I’m currently working on but since I’ve taken up so much time today, I will let this marinate and you’ll get another LOEV Letter from me next Sunday. Don’t worry, that email is already written and ready to go. Ain’t no me saying it’s coming and it never appears this time. No. I just needed to share this first before I share the full direction I’m taking with my life, my emails, my social media, my business etc. And I know by the time that email hits your inbox and you’ve read it, you’ll begin to understand everything by then. Because boo, I got much to share with you. Trust. And make sure you’re checking my stories and social media. That conetent will be helpful in understanding the journey as well

I so appreciate you taking the time to read all I’ve written to you. If you continue on with the ride, thank you for staying along for the ride. If you get off at this stop, thank you for the ride, boo. In spite of everything, it’s been a beautiful ride overall and I’m looking forward to switching cars and taking the next road on.

See you next Sunday. 

Much Love,

~ OEV