The Rescue Trap: Freeing Yourself from the Chains of Co-Dependency (Pt 2)

Part 2: The Signs and Symptons of Co-Dependency: Are You a Rescuer?

Sis, I’m glad you’re back because this next part is everything.

Last week, I opened up about my own story; how co-dependency shaped my marriage and how I spent years in the rescue trap. If you missed it, go back and read it here because it lays the foundation for what we’re diving into today.

This week, we’re going deeper into co-dependency by uncovering the signs and symptoms. These patterns aren’t always easy to spot, especially when they feel like love, devotion, or duty. But recognizing them is key to reclaiming your joy, healing, finding balance and finding freedom so that you can thrive in your relations, not just survive in them.

Let’s go deep.

What Does Co-Dependency Look Like?

Here are some obvious signs you may be caught in the rescue trap as I was:

1.You Feel Responsible for Their Happiness

Every mood swing, bad day, or crisis feels like it’s on you to fix. If they’re unhappy, you’re stressed out trying to make it better. Now, for the record, my husband wasn’t someone who walked around unhappy all the time; he was happiest at home. But those work days? They hit different. Even before we had children, back when we were newlyweds, I’d notice it. There were mornings he’d wake up early and just sit on the side of our bed, not moving. I’d wake up to find him looking really down, and sometimes, there’d even be tears in his eyes.

When I would hold him and ask what’s wrong, his responses were always the same, “I’m tired of working this job. I feel like I’ve been working all my life”. At that time, he was already in his 30s and had been working since his teens, with every job being labor-intensive. I felt his pain. The empath in me (and if you’re an empath, you know we tend to be the biggest rescuers) couldn’t just feel his pain and do nothing. It was like my hug was saying, “Baby, I got this. I’m going to figure this out for you”. Please know I still have some residue here because even as I write this, I am right there at the state this happened and can deeply feel his pain and find myself even now thinking of all the resources I could use to help that version of him then.

See, for many women, we are natural nurturers who genuinely love to help, but it’s easy for us to be taken advantage of because we tend to overextend ourselves. And when we overhelp, those we’re helping often underwork. So, I put on my cape and found him a job where he could work indoors instead of outside. Now he was working at a call center, and I thought he was happier. No more braving the bitter cold or scorching heat. No more getting bitten by dogs. Happier, right? Sure…at first. But a few months later, that same movie showed again, and there we were, right back on the side of the bed, reliving the same scene. And it continued.

2.You Struggle to Say No

You take on more than you should, putting their needs above your own, even when it costs you emotionally, mentally, or physically. For women of faith, this is where submission comes into play. How do you say no to your husband? You can say no to your boss, your co-workers, your family, and even your children. But your husband? What wife does that? This is where the role of “wife” can so easily become an idol. We are taught to be submissive wives; to serve; to uplift; to sacrifice. But beyond all that…who says no to a "good husband"?

The man I married was that damn near perfect husband in the eyes of the world. But guess what? Who do you think put him on that pedestal as a husband in the first place? I did. It was important to me that he be seen as “that guy;” so of course others saw him that way too. I can’t even be mad at how others responded to him. I mean, I was the one who built that public image of him as a good man.

When I wrote about him, it was because I truly saw him that way. So tell me, who could say no to a husband like that?

So yes, I did his resumes; no problem. Yes, I filled out his job applications; no problem. Yes, I handled his W-9s; no problem. Yes, I did all his benefits paperwork; no problem. Yes, I applied for online jobs on his behalf; no problem. Yes, I even took those assessment tests for him; no problem. And yes, I prepared him for interviews based on the applications I had already filled out for him; no problem.

Did he ask me to do all of that? Yes…and no. He asked me to do many of those things, but other tasks? I did them automatically because they just seemed to go along with everything else he had already asked me to do. It was my default; my role as his wife; my unspoken obligation to take on whatever I could to make his life easier; because that’s what good wives do, right? And in doing so, I didn’t just struggle to say no. I couldn’t say no.

3.You’ve Lost Your Sense of Self

Somewhere along the way, you’ve stopped pursuing your own goals, hobbies, or dreams. You don’t even recognize who you are outside of being their rock. Now, this has happened with many women, especially wives in faith-based marriages. But for me, that was a bit different; my ambition just wouldn’t let this be true.

Let’s look at what losing your sense of self really means. It’s experiencing a profound disconnect from your own identity; feeling uncertain about who you are; and struggling to understand your values, desires, and place in the world; and afraid of making mistakes and letting others down. It’s that feeling of looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back. This often stems from significant life changes, trauma, or overwhelming external pressures.

Even tho I was still able to pursue my own goals and dreams because my ambition simply wouldn’t let me lose that part of myself, I didn’t escape unscathed. I was pursuing goals, yes; but at the same time, I was juggling everyone else’s needs too as I didn’t want to let anyone down. My identity may not have been completely lost, but it was buried beneath my roles as a wife, a mother, a rescuer, a fixer and a doer. My ambition drove me to achieve, but I was doing so while carrying the weight of everyone else’s needs on my back. In other words, my ambition wasn’t limited to my own goals, it extended to everything and everyone around me. I poured the same drive into conquering my personal aspirations as I did into handling my husband’s tasks, my children’s needs, and even my friends’ concerns. See what I mean?

So while I didn’t lose myself entirely, I also wasn’t fully me. I was driven, but drained. I was ambitious, but exhausted. I was achieving, but always for the sake of holding everything and everyone together. And that’s the thing about co-dependency…it doesn’t have to take everything from you to still rob you of the fullness of your life.

4.You Over-Function in the Relationship

You’re the one managing the household, the emotions, the decisions…basically everything. Meanwhile, they’re skating by with the bare minimum. But how does this happen? Let’s be real, the onus isn’t just on the dependent in the co-dependency dynamic. The rescuer play their part well.

Let’s break this down. If someone in the relationship is over-functioning, it naturally means the other is under-functioning. But why? It starts with good intentions. As the rescuer, you step in to help, to ease the burden, or to fix things, thinking, If I don’t do it, who will? You feel responsible for keeping everything afloat, so you overcompensate (stick a 📍 here). You take on the role of problem-solver, decision-maker, emotional regulator, and taskmaster, all while convincing yourself you’re just being supportive or loving.

Meanwhile, the under-functioning partner becomes increasingly comfortable with doing less because, well, why would they step up when you’re already handling it all? Over time, this creates a lopsided dynamic where they rely on you, and you reinforce that reliance by continually showing up, even when it’s breaking you.

The truth is, over-functioning is as much about control as it is about care. It’s rooted in the belief that if you handle everything, nothing will fall apart. But here’s the catch: by doing so, you’re not just carrying the weight, you’re enabling their under-functioning behavior. This dynamic becomes a cycle where both partners are stuck, with oftentimes neither growing or thriving. Even tho for me, my ambition (there’s that word again) to improve never stopped me from growing.

So, the question becomes: What would happen if you stepped back? What would happen if you let them take responsibility? And perhaps the hardest question of all: Why are you afraid to let go?

 Why are You Afraid to Let Go?

As stated, this really is about control (remember the 📍 we stuck on overcompensating). If you experienced trauma in your life as a child, especially ongoing or constant trauma as I did, you likely remember feeling stuck or trapped. What did you wish for during those moments? Escape? An out? The freedom to make your own decisions, choose your own life, and live on your terms? You were tired of others being in control of your life, and you craved autonomy, your own power.

It’s the same reason childhood stars often fire their parents as managers once they grow older. Somewhere along the way, there was a trauma or imbalance of power that left them yearning for independence. But here’s the thing: once they get control of their lives, they often carry the need for control into their relationships, many times unknowingly. It’s a hidden form of self-protection. And just like that, the foundation for the role of the rescuer is laid, often long before we even realize it..

As a rescuer, you convince yourself it’s all about care, love, and sacrifice, but underneath, it’s deeply tied to maintaining control; not just of yourself, but of your environment and the people in it. It’s the belief that if you’re holding everything together, nothing can fall apart. It’s why you tell yourself, Can’t nobody do it like me, because the idea of letting go feels like relinquishing the control you fought so hard to gain.

Think about it: for many of us, this control defense mechanism shows up in other subtle ways too. It’s in the classic love songs where the rescuer finally leaves but the theme becomes, You’ll never find another like me, not realizing that there’s a whole bunch of rescuing women out in the world who will do the same for that man or even more than you did if he’s still the dependent when he moves on. Do we not see this all the time? I mean…it’s a lighthearted example, sure, but it speaks to the idea that being irreplaceable gives you a sense of power and security in a world that has often made you feel powerless. This is where we often overcompensate…taking excessive measures to make amends for what? In my case feeling a sense of power and security. I didn’t feel safe nor secure growing up so I craved safety and security. And there’s nothing really wrong with that but, what better way to secure power and security than being in control of my life and the atmosphere I created? When you rescue the people you love, they’re supposed to always have your back. Remember that extreme loyalty I wrote about here?

But here’s the thing: being a rescuer isn’t just about protecting others; it’s about protecting yourself from the fear of things falling apart. It’s a trauma response rooted in the belief that if you’re in control, you’re safe. If you’re holding the pieces together, no one can hurt you, take advantage of you or leave you vulnerable again. And this was me.

The problem is, this need for control often backfires. Instead of feeling empowered, you feel overwhelmed, and the very people you’re rescuing grow more dependent on you. The result? You end up carrying the weight of everyone’s lives, all while sacrificing your own joy, peace, and well-being.

So, the real question isn’t just Why are you afraid to let go? It’s also What would happen if you trusted yourself and others enough to release the need to control everything? Would it be messy? Maybe. Would it be freeing? Absolutely. Because here’s the truth: letting go doesn’t mean things won’t fall apart; it means giving yourself permission to finally put the pieces of your own life back together. And if you’ve been on this journey with me since August 10th, you are seeing me do just that in real time. Because it did blow up/fall apart. It was messy. Scary too, but it’s been the most freeing ever. Now I am in control of me and me only and have given up needing to be in control of anyone but me. I no longer know how much money my children’s father makes or has. I don’t know where he be when he not in my eyesight. I don’t know his plans. OMG the more I write this the more freeing I feel because I don’t know any of the things I always felt I needed to know and it feels great!

5.You Enable or Make Excuses for Your Partner’s Unhealthy Behaviors

Enabling is when you unintentionally support or tolerate behaviors that are harmful to your partner, yourself, or the relationship. Or as many in the addiction field call it, ‘people enabling’ which basically means doing things for others that makes them dependent. It can look like constantly covering for their mistakes, justifying their actions to others, or shielding them from the consequences of their choices. Over time, this not only allows their unhealthy habits to persist but also makes you complicit in the cycle.

One of the first things I shared when I was in deep distress, literally just one day before everything blew up last year, was with a family member who’s also a certified life coach but specializing in trauma and divorce. I told them, “I was complicit in all of this. I allowed him to quit jobs without personal consequences because I supported him, and I cleaned up the mess when he was fired. I spent years praying when I should have left, staying when I should have focused on getting my personal finances together and separating. I lifted him up, spoke into his life, and even wrote favorably about him on social media while he was down and everything was falling apart, thinking I was showing love and ‘covering a multitude of faults.’ But in reality, I was enabling him and sacrificing myself in the process. But I see now, I’ve been complicit in all of this; so this is just as much my fault as it is his”.

Her response, “You were complicit in supporting his decisions, but you were not complicit in the consequences of those decisions. Let’s be clear, we’re not about to self-blame for the results of his actions. You’re both grown. Yes, you did the whole ‘Stand by Your Man’ thing, but let’s not get it twisted, you didn’t create or cause the financial instability he chose to operate in. That’s on him”. And therein lies my point. I did so much rescuing and covering that when everything would fall apart, even though I’d tell his ass off, I’d see his countenance drop, and I’d back off. Then, I’d find myself consoling him and somehow beginning to feel responsible. Rescuers (people enablers) truly believe they are responsible for the dependent person's well-being and actions. So when the dependent person struggles or fails, the enabler often internalizes it as their own failure to "save" or "fix" them. In codependent relationships, the rescuer or enabler tends to derive their sense of purpose and self-worth from their ability to care for or "rescue" the other person. When things go wrong, it feels like a direct reflection of their inadequacy or failure. But why?

Because we rescuers often subtly believe we have the power to change or control the dependent's behavior, we carry the weight of their choices. When the dependent continues harmful habits, we enablers blame ourselves for not doing enough or not doing the "right" thing to help. And that’s exactly what I did. I blamed myself even while blaming him. I put it on both of us because I always believed it took two to do or undo a marriage. Which is why, when I wrote “When Love Stands,” I originally said it only takes one to stand in order to make the marriage work. I was showing that I was willing to carry the weight, put everything on my back and make it work. But let’s be real, marriage involves more than one person, doesn’t it?

And this is exactly why every time we went to counseling, which I always arranged, the pressure to "hold things together" or "be the glue" of the relationship was never put on him. It was always put on me. Why? Why not him? They saw it too, right? They saw I was the one who could come up with almost anything to save us both. And in my head, I was often thinking, “Yeah if his ass would just listen.” After I applied what was told to me in counseling and he did not, and we still struggled, the results only amplified my feelings of guilt and self-blame whenever he struggled or when our marriage faced challenges. Then came the gaslighting and manipulation from him. Oh I didn’t see it then, but I clearly see it now, especially since he’s tried it several times even during our separation but I still don’t think he’s aware that he does this.

You do know I’ve been blamed for the “breaking up” of our family. Not just our marriage. I could have taken him saying that with a grain of salt, but to say I’m the cause of breaking up the family we created? That was a blow I couldn’t take standing. I know others blame me, and maybe even you while reading all my LOEV Letters. But for him to say it? That’s a whole different thing.

What carried me through, tho, is the strength of my support system and the wisdom of those in it. When my family member shared what she shared with me right before the big blow-up last year on self-blame, that became my foundation when those words came my way.

To continue to keep the peace, I said to myself I would not share screenshots of text messages between us anymore. But I will share some of what was said, knowing I always have the receipts. And for the record, I thank The Most High from shielding me from many of his words when he first said them. I have a tendency to scan and read very fast when shit’s going down as I’m looking for key things to respond to immediately but there was much I really didn’t see as it probably would have destroyed me at that time as I wasn’t as strong as I am today…and that was about 2-3 months ago.

Him: “I wanted us to be a family again but you murdered that with all of this…whatever you’ve been doing. How do they (our children) get peace not knowing where their Father is every night? They know where you are but not me. You’ve never asked how I was doing but I’ve always asked how you and the children were doing. You’ve never invited me over to take a shower, offer me a place to sleep or any of that. I know y’all don’t have the room but at least an offer would’ve been appreciated and letting me know that you still had some care somewhere in that ❤️ of yours. But at one point you didn’t even care if I lived or died and I know this is true because when I mentioned I was sleeping on a park bench…you’ve never voiced one ounce of concern. Being a single parent is something “you” chose not me. I would’ve never suggested separating at all. I wanted to work it out until you started saying things like, “the children’s lives will never be the same” and showing yourself having a toast with your friends and saying how “free” you are and all that. So after you did and said all that’s gone on since July 3rd, (it no longer matters what your plan was or what you told me), I’ve still been made out to be the monster because of you. You’ve done this. You’ve made me an enemy to your followers, you’ve made me a “monster” that the court will make me because it’s “you” that will bring me there. But the one thing I DO appreciate is that you never made me a monster to my children”.

breathe

When I first read these two merged text responses from him there were tears. When I read them just now as I wrote them, I could hear his heart and confusion along with emotional manipulation, a little bit of gaslighting and blame. Listen, please know we both good on this now as our focus really is of our children but also because I’m not moved to act anymore when things like this were said. Even when I cried the first time on it and still not reading everything else at that time, I wasn’t moved to act. But please understand if I’ve been doing this rescue thing over 20 years, it’s not always easy to just read and not act. I do get tempted to act or at the very least overexplain. But my boundaries don’t let me give in to either.

Btw, I never responded to all he wrote. I said this…

Me: “If I didn’t think of you, I wouldn’t have ever came back. I loved Florida and wanted to stay. But we’ve adjusted here and stability is back in the picture as I keep going”.

I know it might seem like, “Ok OEV… that’s it?” Yeah. My capacity to respond to emotions has just about disappeared. But I wanted him to know at least that much. Now, let’s talk about what he said. I didn’t murder anything. I didn’t choose to be a single parent, at least not directly. I haven’t painted him as a monster. If I’ve done anything, it’s simply shown that we’re human and that our marriage wasn’t and has never been perfect.

Yes, I’ve celebrated my freedom, both with and without friends, and I will continue to live it unapologetically. If you don’t know what it’s like to wake up in peace after decades of waking up to the same storm, you’ll never understand why I celebrate real freedom. And no, I will not be guilt-tripped for what I write. Not one word was said when I only wrote highly of him, so let’s keep that same energy now that I’m sharing my story. Because let’s be real, I’m not making it out alive either. 🤣 People keep tryna try me and still choose to tell me off or try to check me while leaving him untouched. 🙄 

I haven’t taken him to court for anything yet and have no plans to do so as long as he continues to stand on business on the well-being of our children. No, I haven’t asked how he’s doing and still haven’t to this day. Why? Honestly, it’s to avoid getting caught back up. I choose to believe he’s well rather than find out exactly how he is. I don’t need stories of struggle or anything that pulls me back into a space where I feel the need to rescue or advise.

Not asking leaves me out of that part of his life where he has to figure things out just like I had to when I left. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, because I will always want my children’s father to be well. It just means I’m not rescuing him. He’s a grown man. He’s got this. If not for himself, then for the five young people who love and depend on him. 💪

I have invited him over for dinner here and there, and when he brings the children back from their outings, I sometimes ask him to fix things around my home because our children live with me. And let’s be real, if he doesn’t, I’ve got people who can. I just give him first dibs since he’s good at it, and it gives him more time to be around our children. Plus, it shows our children that even tho we no longer live together, we can still work in harmony.

When the consequences of his actions came crashing down in our marriage, he never had to bear them alone. We all did. This was one of the constant private cries I carried, the kind that the public never saw. It’s what I would pour out in conversations with the older women in the church when seeking their counsel. I would cry loud, long, and strong about this. “Why do we have to suffer along with him when he decided to up and leave his job? Can’t he suffer for this by himself and we be over there until his suffering over?” In the beginning, those women would respond, “Girl, you are so selfish. We understand, but you gotta lift that man up. Pray for him. Be his rock. Be his peace.” throws phone I swear it got to a point where if I heard "be his rock" or "be his peace" one ‘mo ‘gin, I was about to turn over the tables in the church like Christ himself. And if that wasn’t enough, when we were in Churchy Christian marriage counseling and I actually started saying this in front of him, the pastor, and his wife; because my husband would often look down when I said it…I would get told about my sass and my attitude and how they weren’t "saved." LMAO I laugh now, but I used to sit there staring at them like, “Damn all that. I didn’t do this. He did. Why do I have to suffer too?” I was told, “When the ship goes down, everybody goes down with it. Trust God to deliver you all.” No lies were told, but to that, I said, “I can swim tho.” Yeah, that didn’t go over too well, and I was then seen as a rebellious wife.

That’s why those sessions would drag on. Pastor would be late to preach because I’d be up in there, pregnant and yelling. But by the end, as usual, I’d be crying, praying with him, letting them pray for me and us. And then the pastor’s wife would always catch me in the parking lot after church to say, “Girl, why you be acting up like that with that man…and the Lord?” By that time, I’d laugh, but she was genuinely concerned for my “unsaved attitude”. I can only imagine what they said about us after we left. 😆 

I may have been a rescuer, but I was never a silent one.

But to be honest, by backing down after all my loudness and speaking my mind, that’s how I was covering for and excusing behaviors like instability, irresponsibility, or even emotional dumping. I was subconsciously sending the message that it was acceptable or that I would always pick up the slack. Whether it was ignoring warning signs, downplaying serious issues, or rationalizing their shortcomings, enabling created a dynamic where the relationship became increasingly one-sided. It leaves you shouldering the emotional, mental, or even financial weight of the relationship while they remain stagnant or unchecked. Because girl, nobody was checking that man but me. And my checking was for naught as I always caved and bailed him out to save us.

Enabling isn’t love; it’s a pattern of self-sacrifice that keeps both of you stuck. True support means setting healthy boundaries and encouraging accountability, not rescuing someone from the consequences of their choices or staying on a sinking ship hoping God will save you all.

Any of this sound familiar?

How These Patterns Show Up in Relationships of Faith

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: faith-based relationships often glorify sacrifice and submission, sometimes to a fault.

We’re taught to “hold it all together,” “esteem others higher than ourselves,” and “sacrifice for the greater good.” But at what cost, Sis? These teachings can be beautiful when rooted in mutual love, respect, and reciprocity. But what happens when that sacrifice becomes one-sided? What happens when it’s breaking you instead of building the relationship?

When my husband would quit jobs without consequence because I stepped in to catch the fall, I told myself I was “helping.” I thought I was showing love and fulfilling my role as a wife. When I prayed fervently for change while sacrificing my own needs and neglecting my well-being, I thought I was being faithful. #TrulyFaithful 👀 

But the truth? I was enabling him, and I was breaking myself in the process.

Faith-based teachings can unintentionally reinforce these patterns. We’re told to “submit to our husbands as unto the Lord” without being taught the balance of mutual submission and respect. We’re encouraged to “cover our partners in love” but not how to set boundaries or recognize when we’re enabling harmful behavior.

And let’s be honest, Sis, the weight of these expectations often fall squarely on the shoulders of women. We’re expected to be the glue that holds everything together, to put on a brave face, and to keep pushing forward, even when our spirits are crying out for rest and healing like mine was.

I thought I was honoring The Most High, my husband, and my marriage by sacrificing myself. But in reality, I was dishonoring the person The Most High created me to be by allowing myself to be depleted and undervalued.

If this resonates with you, know this: sacrifice is not synonymous with suffering. Submission doesn’t mean losing yourself. And holding it all together shouldn’t come at the cost of your joy, identity, and peace.

Faith and love should uplift, not drain. If you find yourself in a dynamic where you’re always the rescuer, the fixer, or the caretaker, it’s time to reflect on whether this aligns with the abundant life God has for you and you already know it doesn’t.

Sis, you were never called to be the savior in your relationship; that role’s already taken. It’s time to free yourself from the chains of co-dependency and step into the freedom, balance, and love you deserve.

Why Recognizing These Patterns Matters

Here’s the thing: You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

If you’re seeing yourself in these patterns, Sis, it’s not too late to make a shift. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward breaking free from a cycle that’s no longer serving you.

For years in my own marriage, I didn’t even realize how much I was over-functioning. I thought I was doing what any “good wife” and “godly woman” would do. But the truth is, I had lost myself in the process.

I was so busy rescuing, fixing, and carrying the weight of the relationship that I forgot about me. My joy, my needs, my identity; all of it took a backseat because I believed that’s what love required. I thought I was showing my children an example of faith and devotion, but what I was really showing them was a woman who was pouring from an empty cup and calling it strength.

When you stop over-functioning and start focusing on YOU, amazing things happen. You rediscover who you are outside of the role you’ve been playing. You find joy again; not the fleeting kind that comes from a “good day” but the deep, soul-level kind that comes from knowing you’re finally aligned with your truth.

And Sis, here’s what really matters: your children see what you did too. They see you choosing yourself, setting boundaries, and stepping into your power. You teach them, not just with your words but with your actions, that love doesn’t mean losing yourself. You show them that it’s okay to prioritize their own well-being, to say no, and to walk away from dynamics that don’t honor them.

By recognizing and addressing these patterns, you’re not just freeing yourself; you’re breaking generational cycles. You see, my mom was a rescuer too, and so was my grandmother. Many women in my family have taken on the role of rescuers. I woke up one day and realized I have five children, three of them young women who will grow up to either find themselves in healthy dynamics or end up in the kind of relationship I had with their father for 20 years. Which path do I want them to take? I’m now creating a legacy of love, balance, and self-worth for my children to carry forward.

So, no matter how deep you think you’re in, know this: every step you take toward healing and reclaiming your identity is a step toward the abundant, joyful life you deserve. Your shift starts here; and Sis…it’s going to be worth every moment. Trust me on that!

Take Action This Week

• Reflect and Identify: Where are you over-functioning in your relationships?

• Journal: How would it feel to prioritize your own needs and happiness?

• Set One Small Boundary: Practice saying “no” to something that doesn’t serve you this week.

Closing:
Sis, you are worthy of love, care, and joy without sacrificing yourself in the process. It’s time to put yourself first and start living the story YOU want to tell.

Next week, we’ll dive into the root causes of co-dependency and how these patterns start; spoiler alert: they often begin long before marriage.

Didn’t I tell you, you did not want to miss not one newsletter in this series? So continue to stay locked in!

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Whether you're navigating the complexities of marriage, rediscovering yourself after separation, or embracing the single life with purpose, know that the journey to love, leisure and fulfillment starts with YOU.

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Remember: Your life, Your terms. Ima keep saying this until it sinks in because too many of us still don’t get this. Start living the story you’ve always desired. If any of this resonates with you, reply back to this email and know that you’re not alone, and you don’t have to stay stuck. This series is for you and even as a reminder for me as I’ve been there and I'm not going back. I know how challenging it is to break free. But sis, freedom is worth it. You are worth it! 😉 

Stay tuned for Part 3 right here next Sunday.

Know that you’re not just breaking free for you; you’re breaking free for every version of yourself, past and present.

Always Much Love,

Octavia E Vance (OEV) 💋