The Rescue Trap: I Took Off My Cape and Stopped Saving Men After 20 Years of Marriage (Pt 5)

Whooo! Sis, we made it to the final part of this series.

And let me sincerely apologize for the delay in getting this to you. I’ve been under the weather the last few days, but I’m feeling a bit better today and wanted to make sure you received this, even if it’s a little later than usual.

Now that I’ve shared that, let’s get into the last part of this series. If you’ve been following along, you already know…co-dependency is not love. It is a survival mechanism, a pattern that keeps you stuck in cycles of over-giving, over-functioning, and self-sacrifice. But real love? Real love allows you to exist fully, to thrive, to be nourished just as much as you nourish.

So let’s talk about what it actually means to build healthy, faith-based relationships; ones that don’t drain you, ones where you don’t have to play the role of the rescuer to be loved.

What Does a Healthy, Love-Filled Relationship Look Like?

At its core, a thriving relationship is built on mutual respect, reciprocity, and alignment. It is not one person giving everything while the other sits back and receives. It is two whole individuals coming together, not to complete each other, but to walk side by side, fully aware of their worth.

A love without co-dependency:

✅ Prioritizes individual growth; you can love someone deeply and still have your own goals, dreams, and identity.
✅ Encourages emotional independence; you support each other, but you are not each other’s therapist or savior.
✅ Has clear, healthy boundaries; love does not mean overextending yourself or betraying your own needs.
✅ Thrives on mutual effort; no one person is carrying the entire relationship on their back.
✅ Allows honest communication; you express your needs and feelings without guilt or fear.

And let’s be real, many of us were never taught to expect this kind of love…especially in faith-based spaces. We were taught to endure, to hold on, to sacrifice for the greater good of the relationship, even when it was breaking us.

But Sis, healthy love is not meant to break you.

Faith-Based Love vs. Codependent Love

A lot of the messaging we received in faith-based communities confused selflessness with self-sacrifice. The idea of being a “good wife” or “Godly woman” has been weaponized to make women feel like their worth is tied to how much they endure.

But love should not feel like suffering.

🚩 Co-Dependent Love Looks Like:

• Feeling like you have to “fix” or “save” your partner

• Carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone

• Losing yourself in the process of trying to make it work

• Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or saying no

✅ Faith-Based Healthy Love Looks Like:

• Supporting each other without losing yourselves

• Sharing emotional and practical responsibilities

• Feeling safe, seen, and valued in the relationship

• Being able to set boundaries without fear or guilt

It is not your God-given assignment to suffer for love. Yes, relationships require effort, but that effort should be mutual, not one-sided.

Breaking Free: Moving Toward Healthy, Whole Love

So how do you begin to break the cycle of co-dependency and move towards a relationship that truly honors you? While me breaking free was a little more traumatic, it doesn’t have to be that way for you. You can break free without all the trauma and drama by doing these 5 things below.

1️⃣ Get Clear on Your Patterns – Look back at this series and identify where co-dependency has shown up for you. Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle.

2️⃣ Start Practicing Healthy Boundaries – Love should not require self-abandonment. Practice saying no when something does not serve you.

3️⃣ Heal the Wounds That Created the Pattern – Co-dependency often starts in childhood. Doing the inner work helps you stop repeating these cycles in your relationships.

4️⃣ Surround Yourself with Healthy Models of Love – Whether that’s thru mentors, therapists, or supportive friendships, seeing healthy love in action helps shift your perspective.

5️⃣ Trust That You Deserve More – You do not have to settle for love that drains you. You are worthy of a relationship where you are loved, supported, and honored, without having to prove your worth thru sacrifice.

Final Thoughts: Love That Heals, Not Hurts

So what did you think of the series? Which part resonated with you most? Reply back and let me know.

But also Sis, I want you to sit with this: You are allowed to be loved fully, without over-giving, without rescuing, without losing yourself in the process. This is key!

You are not a “bad wife” or a “bad woman” for wanting a love that nourishes instead of depletes. You are simply choosing alignment.

So let me ask you:
Is the love you are in allowing you to thrive, or is it keeping you stuck?

If this series spoke to you, let me know. Hit reply and share your thoughts.

Ready to Break Free from Co-Dependency?

Ready to take the next step toward healing, liberation, and aligned love? Ready to start your journey toward a healthier, whole version of yourself?

I am now offering a 3-Session Co-Dependency Healing Package designed to help you:
✅ Identify your co-dependent patterns
✅ Heal from the root causes keeping you stuck
✅ Move forward with clarity, confidence, and self-trust

But here’s the catch…this is the LAST month I’ll be offering these sessions. Once spots are gone, they’re gone.

If you’ve been feeling that nudge to do this work, don’t wait. Your healing, freedom, and peace are worth it.

Sign up now before this offer disappears! ⏳

Sis, you don’t have to stay stuck. Freedom is yours for the taking.

Also, don’t forget to send in your questions for Q&A with OEV on Wednesdays by replying back to this email! Whether it is about love, sex, healing, or anything in between, I would love to answer your questions.

Always Much Love,

Octavia E. Vance (OEV) 💋
Your Favorite Sexologist and Navigator of Love, Leisure & Pleasure

P.S. I had something to share with you this week for V-Day but I will have to delay that and reach out to you in a day or two when I’m fully recovered. But I can tell you this…if you not following me on TikTok, do so now as that’s apart of the surprise. 😉 Talk soon.