The Truth About My Failing Marriage

2024 has been called the Year of Exposure. What’s interesting is that I’ve heard many people of faith declare this in past years, yet those years didn’t seem to live up to the claims. However, when comedian Katt Williams declared it at the start of this year, it felt different…it truly came to pass. While every year might carry its own form of exposure, 2024 has undoubtedly been a year like no other in this regard. And the year’s not even over yet. 

This year, my own marriage has been exposed, but what makes it unique is that I was the one who chose to expose it (I call it the Run Tel Dat of Exposure like Martin Lawrence IYKYK). One definition of exposure is "the revelation of an identity or fact, especially one that is concealed or likely to arouse disapproval." This definition resonates deeply with me because it took a revelation for me to see things clearly in my marriage. Some people didn’t agree with the way I revealed these truths, but no matter how it happened, it needed to be done. 

It’s important to understand the slight difference between the words "exposure" and "exposed." While exposure involves revelation, its counterpart, "exposed," emphasizes vulnerability. To be exposed means to be "not covered or hidden; visible, not sheltered or protected, in a vulnerable position or situation." That’s what this process of exposing my marriage has done…it uncovered things that perhaps were never meant to be hidden in the first place. 

When I first began writing my LOEV Letter to you, I was angry, hurt, and devastated. Although I’m still working through those emotions, I now have more compassion for myself and my situation as writing has always been therapeutic for me and healing has begun to take place. But even with this compassion, I’m not going back to covering up things that don’t need to be hidden anymore. Exposing my own marriage isn’t a new concept for me as I’ve always been transparent about my own shortcomings. What’s different now is that I’m no longer protecting or covering for my estranged husband. This time, I’m allowing things to come out, and that’s brought me more compassion, not just towards him but also towards myself. 

 In the coming weeks, I’ll be releasing a new series titled "What Happens When You Marry the Underdeveloped Man." This series will cover everything I’ve learned about who I married from the patterns inside 20 years of marriage and what I’ve recently learned in these past almost four months of separation. My experience as a reader and researcher has driven me to study my own marriage: the patterns, the highs and lows, what I could have done differently, and what I missed altogether. As my estranged husband and I have entered into a more cordial stage, I’m speaking from a place of empathy and calmness. I have no regrets of the exposure as the exposure was necessary for my healing. It was the wake-up call I needed to find mental safety and clarity about my next steps. So, why is exposing my own marriage not just beneficial for me but also for you?

Let me share Three Reasons Why This Kind of Vulnerability is Valuable, Even When A Marriage is Failing.

1. Exposure Leads to Vulnerability, and Vulnerability Leads to Growth. 

Being open about the flaws in my marriage has forced me to become more vulnerable, which, in turn, has humbled me. Vulnerability is a crucial ingredient for growth and transformation. It allows us to address problems from a place of honesty and humility, which is essential for finding real solutions. In spite of my estranged husband not liking the way I shared, one thing neither of us could deny was the peaceful state we’ve entered since. No that doesn’t signify things working out in this season or even future ones, but it does signify that with vulnerability comes growth and often after exposure, peace. It’s like a burden you were never meant to carry has finally dissipated because it’s out there now and you can walk freely without the heaviness of covering for anyone. Love may cover a multitude of sin but never at the expense of one while the other lives freely. Love is kind, remember? 😉 

 2. Exposure Is Neutral but Revealing.

We often celebrate exposure when it highlights our successes, but shy away when it reveals our imperfections. The truth is, exposure itself is neutral; it simply brings to light whatever is hidden. Whether good or not so good, exposure provides us with the opportunity to see things clearly and make informed decisions about how to move forward. This is the current state I’m in…seeing things clearly so that I make informed decisions on what’s best for me and for my children. Had I continued to cover for my marriage, I would not be at a place of recognizing what needed to end because of its detriment and what needed to begin because of its benefit.

 3. Exposure Helps to Learn from Imperfections. 

When I share the imperfections of my marriage, it allows you to see that you’re not alone in your struggles. Knowing that someone else’s marriage isn’t perfect no matter how long they’ve been married can help you find the courage to confront the challenges in your own relationship. My transparency is meant to heal me but to empower you to recognize that flaws don’t define your relationship’s worth but are an opportunity for deeper understanding and growth. You’ve learned from me sharing my marriage when I was in it to win it, now allow yourself to learn from me sharing my marriage in a separated state.

Because exposing the truth about my marriage is not just about airing out the difficulties; it’s about creating a space where we can learn, heal, and grow together. By sharing the good, the not so good, and everything in between, I hope to help you see that you can take charge of your own journey, just as I am taking charge of mine. And that is the reason I created Be AWOL Private Community. 

Exposing my truth was not just for me—it was for you, too. I want you to know that you’re not alone in navigating the messiness of love and relationships. When we let down the walls of perfection and allow ourselves to be seen—fully seen—we give ourselves the gift of transformation. We unlock the door to freedom, vulnerability, and the kind of healing that only comes when we’re willing to face what’s hidden in the dark. I created the Be AWOL Private Community because I believe that every woman of faith deserves a space to explore her love life, sex life, leisure and pleasure without compromising her values. 

This group is a sanctuary for those who are married, engaged, divorced, single, or separated like me, where you’ll find the support and sisterhood you need to reclaim your joy. Inside Be AWOL, we’ll have private Zoom calls, intimate discussions, and expert guidance on leading a life of love, leisure, and pleasure—all while staying true to who you really are. This is your invitation to AWOL your way to a life where you’re not afraid to be honest about the imperfect, raw, and real parts of your story. A life where you don’t have to cover up or hide behind societal expectations. 

If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of your marriage or relationship alone, if you’re ready to find a community that understands your struggles and celebrates your victories, then Be AWOL is where you belong. It’s time to choose freedom. To choose joy. To choose a love that doesn’t require you to sacrifice your truth. 

Join us in Be AWOL and let’s walk this path together. Because becoming A Woman Of Leisure isn’t just about escaping the hustle—it’s about creating a life that fills your soul with love, leisure, peace, pleasure, and purpose. So…May my exposure be the spark that encourages you to be honest about your own life and relationships so that you can AWOL what you need to, and then embrace it all including its beautiful imperfections.

Always Much Love

~ OEV 💋 

PS Don’t forget to reply back and let me know your thoughts on this LOEV Letter and more. I love hearing from you. 😊